A typical England start to a tournament

and a typical Sven match.

Except they actually won it, luckily hanging on to a 1-0 score line againts Paraguay a strange occurrence under Sven (especially after going ahead so early) and indeed for any opening game for England at a major championship, though the performance was the usual standard.

There’s a load of questions that have to be answered after that game.

Why are people who play in Spain or who play regularly in Europe complaining about good weather ?

What does Sven do at half time, are his speeches the verbal equivalent of GHB, is this how he snags the women?

What’s the point of taking Walcott if you don’t want to play him and would rather waste Joe Cole’s talents putting him inside. Why take Jenas if you’re sad that Defoe has to leave.

Why does Ashley Cole always tuck in giving the wide opposition player all the time and space in the world ? Why does Ashley Cole cut inside with the ball when everyone and his dog knows he can’t kick it with his right foot ? Why does Ashley Cole always fall over at important times ? In fact why Ashley Cole ?

Is Gary Neville less than one dimensional ? Or does the fact he can do a whole 3 things with the ball make him 3 dimensional ? Because there’s the slow everything down back pass, there’s the pass to marked man so that he can’t possibly keep possession and there’s the aimless chip down the line to no one in particular.

Can David Beckham actually find an England player if it’s not a dead ball situation ? Actually seeing as it was an own goal can Beckham pass it to an England player full stop. In this situation I’m not counting over hit balls that only skiff the top of Peter Crouch’s head because he’s so tall, yes they found their target but a lot of fucking use they were.

Will Gerrard ever play for his country the way he does for his club, or is he going to join Barnes, Hansen & Dalglish ? Will he realise after the first attempt has flown over or by the intended player that if he takes a bit of power of the “glory/Hollywood ball” he might actually play Owen or Crouch in.

Was Frank “Man Of The Match” Lampard playing?

Will England ever score in the second half of a game at a major championship?

Will Sven realise we aren’t an Italian side when we are 0-0 or 5-0 up but especially not when we are winning 1-0?

Why do England drop so deep when Terry is playing ? Does he have no faith that Rio isn’t going to pull the old lazy boy routine?

Who at FIFA picked an over-officious Mexican to referee between England and a South American country and will he get another game after that pompous display?

huge overhead TV screens

Did Paul Robinson have a bet on with anyone that he’d hit the huge overhead TV screens in the stadium ? Cause I did, I just knew he would.

And the biggy – When is Rooney back?

Can it get better ? Well it couldn’t get worse could it?

It did get a bit better after Sweden only drew with Trinidad & Tobago, a win against the latter in the next game will secure England’s place in the second round, and the next games are later in the day but if they play like yesterday there’s no guarantees. But then after the opening games on Friday that would look like being a game against either Germany or Ecuador.

Germany’s defence look very flat and very beatable, unlike Ecuador’s, you have to say Ivan Hurtado, Geovanny Espinoza and Jorge Guagua got in the way of nearly everything Poland threw at them.

3 Replies to “A typical England start to a tournament”

  1. I wholeheartedly agree. I’m just glad that I’ve grown accustomed to the nauseated feeling that I get when play begins. By the end of the match, I’m feeling pretty numb to it all.

    In all seriousness, I continue to hold out hope that once we exit the group stage, Rooney’s return will energize the lads and create some type of magical jelling power that will have them all playing as a cohesive unit from end to end… but that hope is fueled by massive amounts of ale and I need to return to that state of drunkenness to feel better about our chances.


  2. And the biggy – When is Rooney back ?

    Should hopefully be today. He’s been passed fit by the independents, so maybe we’ll see him come on for 20 minutes or so.

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