How are we going to top that

Harry Enfield - Loadsamoney - I’ve Got Piles

in four years time.

Just watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics from Beijing’s Bird’s Nest Stadium and wondering what kind of show we’ll put on for the London 2012 job.

A show that highlights the country and it’s way of life, so there’ll be a bunch of kids kicking a granny to death, a display of unsynchronised drink induced vomiting from a group of fat slappers, what will look like a parade of builders showing off their cracks which will actually be real builders who haven’t finished the stadium off yet. The fireworks will go off as per usual just this time it will be when the chavs throw them into the assembled crowd, they’ll get an ipod, a trip to an out of bounds centre and a special ASBO certificate for each eye taken out. The audience will also take part when they throw their McDonald’s wrappers and grease soaked chicken buckets onto the floor.

Gormless Gordon, though a long removed public figure, will line up with all the gold medals to be won where it will be pointed out he sold a far greater weight of our gold reserves for next to nothing when was the chancellor making sure there was no more boom and bust, while the rest of the government that are out in China now on a good jolly, to learn about running a games that they probably won’t be involved in come 2012, along with all the firms on a nice earner will wave all the money they’ve made from all this in the crowds faces in a Loadsamoney style.

But that’s only a small selection of the things that have made this country what it is, that we can show off to the world.

On the plus side they surely can’t find anything as remotely horrific to end the ceremony with the theme song as Sarah Brightman but no doubt they try their best with some public phone vote show.

The whole thing will be summed up by the logo, cheap and naff and the ambassadorial thick & thin, Dave and Vikki Beckham, with everything for sale to commemorate it all probably being made in China.

Of course one thing will be the same, it will all be talked over by some cretins from the B.B.C.

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