Is it Svennis … is it McClown

no it’s Fabio, but you’d struggle to tell.

Ooo he’s strict on then, far more than his two predecessors but when you watch the games that seems to account for bugger all and it’s the same old crap we’ve had over the last two regimes.

Like Svennis his sides are winning the qualifying games but like the Swede’s and the McClown’s sides they’re are not very convincing against mediocre opposition. Unlike McClown the Italian should see his side in the tournament at the end of it – well if he doesn’t after winning the first 5 games in the words of Cloughie ” he wants bloody shooting” – but like Svennis that looks to be about as good as it’s going to get.

Well we should have known – everything is crap “live and exclusive on ITV”.
David Pleat: “Tymoschuk, he looks anaemic, with his long hair and dimples.”

Rio Ferdinand said the other day – in between “you knows” – that previously 4 or 5 players were guaranteed their shirt no matter how they played, even if they were rubbish. It’s more than that Rio.

Yes that would be, well you Rio, Beckham, Gerrard, Lampard, Ashley Cole, David James, Terry the usual suspects who will be picked for the games under Fabio no matter how crap a performance they put in. Friends in the media help, while Glenn Johnson is slagged off for almost losing possession early on no one mentions the so called “best defender in the world” wandering about not bothering to help his team mate out. Huge space behind the fullback that Ferdinand could quite easily drop back into, receive the ball, play everyone out of trouble. Simple but not quite simple enough for Ferdinand, is it the effort of using his body or his mind that he couldn’t be bothered doing.

Dithering James and Cole will present teams with chances games after game, teams better than the mediocre Ukraine will take advantage of those chances. They’re still useless at set pieces as they were through the dying days of Svennis reign and through McClown’s, that would be since Terry came into the fold, funny that.

Gerrard again missing in action, how many caps is that now? How many good performances? How does he keep his place? Crowbarred into the side, accommodated at the cost of the team, just what better teams need even more excuses to attack England’s left back. Lampard well he’s doing what Fabio tells him, if he’s being told to do bugger all, just stand there and be a nuisance. Barry is slowly getting worse, he should watch out Fabio likes nothing more than dropping Villa players, and if he had been sent off as he probably should have last night then he might struggle to get back in. Has Barry been listening to those in the media that don’t want him in the side and have been complaining about his lack of pace and action, he seemed to want to put himself about against Ukraine get stuck in and show he was there.

Lennon pretty much had the freedom of the right side of the park, so of course nearly everything went down the left of a crowded central area. When he actually got a decent ball and then put it in the box it created goal scoring opportunities every time in the first half, all three times he got the ball. Had Beckham been round all his mates offering them sweeteners not to give the lickle Spurs winger the ball. “Don’t give Lennon the ball and I promise Victoria won’t release another single” – I nearly wrote “won’t sing again” then thought better of it. Of curse the first couple of bad deliveries by Lennon in the second half and Fabio was out with the hook and removing all the pace from the side, a fault he eventually recognised when he brought Wright-Phillips on later.

Oh but Beckham put the ball over for the winner, that’s what he’s there for the killer delivery all the girls scream. You can’t have a player in there on the off chance, because that’s all it is now, he’ll manage to put one decent ball in the box. Ah this is his forte when a free kick was won, yeah his real strength on the park, kicking it into the wall or over the bar. But he has increased his records, caps and cards, and that’s what counts after all.

Exceptionally well taken goal by Crouch but his presence in the side means that it’s just humped up balls to his head, when he’s far better with the ball below chin height, one of the best controlling the ball with his chest and excellent with his feet but it’s asking too much of those around him to figure that out, even though they see it with their own eyes game after game.

But Fabio has been a godsend after all he’s taught them not to abuse hotel staff and guests.

If I hadn’t seen it late on the last day of March I might have figured like most others seemed to that news of Mary Poppins taking over the managers job at Newcastle was an April Fools.

It’s great news as it means he won’t be on the telly every Saturday night, giving expert analysis by basically repeating everything Gary Lineker says to him. If he keeps them up then he’ll stay away longer, if he takes them down it’ll just be hilarious. Yes they’ll all claim it wasn’t his fault he only had 8 games, but it’ll be him that took them down, the black and white Jonah who led them to nothing with he was captain, bar a couple of F.A. Cup losers medals.

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