Did I write this

or have they been bugging me?

Someone asked me yesterday if I’d written the review of the World Cup TV coverage in their paper as it pretty much matched what I’d been saying, especially about one of the channels involved.

As my post after the England game pretty much shows I have a deep loathing of ITV and it’s output. It’s very easy to have such feelings. The hyperbole, the seemingly very scripted ad-lib intros, the patronising and the desperation of their main three commentators – Clive Tyldesley, Jon Champion & Peter Drury – to spout a phrase that they’ll be remembered for throughout the ages.

Each one is trying for a “they think it’s all over, it is now”, at every game. Not realising that these things can’t be scripted, dreamt of or thought out. It was simple, not a grandiose overblown statement and it was a spur of the moment from Kenneth Wolstenholme. It was also done in a huge game, not every two bit group game, you can come out with the greatest piece of prose ever imagined in the game but if it’s during South Korea versus Greece who gives a stuff.

Prime example when South Africa scored in the opening game and Drury screamed…


As the reviewer correctly states…

Drury, like a few of his peers, gives the impression that Africans are all jolly, beaming chums, and that the inhabitants of, say, Libya and Sudan and Egypt whoop with unanimous joy when any other nation from the same landmass scores.Michael Deacon

Yeah because Africans are in no way tribal are they and this is in no way patronising 🙄

So patronising it’s unbelievable, but highly believable that at some point during the tournament someone in the studio will pat Marcel Desailly on the head and state “look at him smiling, ain’t he having fun, go on dance for us”. That’s if it hasn’t happened already.

Well it is ITV, spiritual home of “Mind Your Language”. Which can also somewhat be seen on the BBC as Alan Shearer competes with Emmanuel Adebayor to see who will cause you to switch channels the quickest before their monotone sends you to sleep. Who in their right mind signed up Adebayor? Oh he’s African and plays in the Premier League so he’s perfect for a pundit. Well perfect in that he’s a dullard and the fact you can’t make out what he’s saying which is in a way the equal to the rest who haven’t got a clue when they’re making comment. But they didn’t factor in the pertinent fact that everyone hates Adebayor, even the fans of his own club.

The other main with the ITV trio is because they are always searching for that special phrase they never shut the fuck up. You won’t get as man people complaining about the vuvuzelas on the matches shown on ITV because three dolts and the dullards beside them drown out those stupid plastic trumpets.

I did notice on the BBC that a couple of their commentators kept schtum for lengthy periods of the games, have they acually figured out we can see what’s happening as this isn’t radio so aren’t waffling on endlessly, the exception of course being Jonathan Pearce and his screaming.

Oh and does Adrian Chiles have to repeat one word or phrase in every sentence?

2 Replies to “Did I write this”

  1. Why are you hassling Drury for his commentary? In my opinion that will go down as one of the most memorable and fitting calls in the history of sport. If he had written up pre-match in case… all the more power to him.

    “Goal for South Africa! Goal for ALL Africa!”

    Nothing sums up the opening game of a first World Cup on African soil better, especially when South Africans had all been proclaiming that they will support any African side left in the tournament… there is a spirit of togetherness and unity in the dark continent that many in the rest of the world sorely lack.

  2. I’m hassling him because he is atrocious as a commentator and it’s easy to have a go at him, just because something is easy doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.

    You can’t pre-script commentary for a live sporting event it shows that all he’s interested in the clip being replayed and his moment of “glory”.

    When the Koreans had a great tournament in ’02 did they do it for all Korea, North & South, or was it for all of Asia or weren’t they patronised as easily as the Africans are being now. As for all of Africa, was it for those watching in Somalia or the others killing those watching, is it for the Togo team shot at or the shooters?

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