sketches.
After the sad news posted yesterday about the death of Ronnie Barker the blog got a number of hits looking for the “Mastermind” & “Four Candles” sketches.
But I’d only mentioned them and not posted them up so here they are, “Mastermind” and “Four Candles” – both are now videos from YouTube better than just the script for the former and the latter that was in picture form (16 images).
The Two Ronnies “Mastermind” sketch
Q: “And so to our first contender. Good evening and can I have your name, please?”
A: “Ah…good evening.”
Q: “Your chosen subject was answering questions before they were asked. This time you have chosen to answer the question before last, correct?”
A: “Charlie Smithers.”
Q: “And your time starts now. What is palaeontology?”
A: “Yes, absolutely correct.”
Q: “What is the name of the directory that lists members of the peerage?”
A: “A study of old fossils.”
Q: “Correct. Who are Len Murray and Sir Geoffrey Howe?”
A: “Burke’s.”
Q: “What is the difference between a donkey and an ass?”
A: “One’s a trade union leader, the other’s a member of the Cabinet.”
Q: “Correct. Complete the quotation … “To be or not to be…” ”
A: “They’re both the same.”
Q: Correct. What is Bernard Manning famous for?”
A: “That is the question.”
Q: “Correct. Who is the present Archbishop of Canterbury?”
A: “He’s a fat man who tells blue jokes.”
Q: “Correct. What do people lean on in church?”
A: “The Right Reverend Robert Runcie.”
Q: “Correct. What do tarantulas prey on?”
A: “Hassocks.”
Q: “Correct. What would you use a ripcord to pull open?”
A: “Large flies.”
Q: “Correct. What sort of person lived in Bedlam?”
A: “A parachute.”
Q: “Correct. What is a jockstrap?”
A: “A nutcase.”
Q: “For what purpose would a decorator use methylene chlorides?”
A: “A form of athletic support.”
Q: “Correct. What did Henri Toulouse-Lautrec do?”
A: “Paint strippers.”
Q: “Correct. Who is Dean Martin?”
A: “Erm..he’s a kind of artist.”
Q: “Yes…what kind of artist?”
A: “Erm…pass.”
Q: “That’s near enough. What make of vehicle is the standard London bus?”
A: “A Singer.”
Q: “Correct. In 1892, Brandon Thomas wrote what famous long-running English farce?”
A: “British Leyland.”
Q: “Correct. Complete the following quotation… (HOOTER SOUNDS TO SIGNAL THAT TIME HAS RUN OUT) I’ve started so I’ll finish. Complete the following quotation about Mrs Thatcher… “her heart may be in the right place but her…”
A: “Charlie’s Aunt.”
this is cool
Thanks for writing those up. I”ve been looking for Mastermind for a while to adapt for a school production. It’s a classic!
Utterly brilliant…superb!
Fantastic, have just been chuckling over this. Classic stuff.
Love yoursite – esp. the two Ronnie – brilliant. Do you incdientally know the whereabouts of the Mastermind sketch to which every answer in, correctly, Pass?
I’d be most grateful.
kindest regards,
lulu
(Eastbourne)
Can’t seem to find that sketch anywhere at the mo.
Ha, 4 years later… Was this the sketch you were thinking of, lulu??