No New Year bauble

from Lizzy for services in “pointing out the negatives blogging”.

That resolution last year obviously didn’t work but I’ve figured it for next year, I need to follow in the footsteps of another Yorkshireman throughout the next twelve months of 2008.

I’ll have to start putting up posts praising David Beckham and indeed his dim bint.

After all if Parky can do it then so can Toxie. All those newspaper columns I used to read of his where he’d go off about the celeb footballers of the modern age, how their useless poncing about more interested in the money and the fame was a blight on the game and an embarrassment to the memory of the players of yore. Especially those that plied their trade for Barnsley in the post war years.

But then things changed, Parky went all ITV on us and started to come on all over fawning little fanboy with the muppet ex-England captain and the lollipop that some say passes as a female and some even think is a recording artist. Celeb worship at it’s very worst.

I can also pick bad music, played by smug hobbits, to praise as the great new thing, even though everyone knows the emperor is buck naked and their ears hurt from the awful din.

All I need is a comedian sidekick, someone who was once the finest stand up in the world, someone who revelled in the grime of their upbringing and the way it shaped their humour, someone who gloried in the dank and the absurdities of life. A man who could have you pissing yourself laughing for hours and then ten minutes after you couldn’t remember a thing he said, a man who redefined the art of the swear word.

And a man who then became one of those pretentious wankers that he so railed against back when he was funny. We could become a pair of luvvie media darling wankers together.

Best honours joke of the weekend from Saturday’s “Fighting Talk” on 5Live, though doesn’t quite work in the written word, Robbie Earl(e) should be made up to an O.B.E. then he’d be Robbie Earlobe…boom and indeed boom.

Still think there’s be a chance a friend of Gordon could get me a knighthood for the right price, should try slobachops Wendy Alexander she seems to do things on the cheap.

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