No happy clappies… this wasn’t the World Cup final

France v England - highlights 2026 FIFA World Cup 3rd Place Playoff

we were denied.

England’s 6-4 end-to-end victory over France in the World Cup 3rd place playoff would just not have happened in the final, though it might have been better than the actual final.

France wouldn’t have put out that starting XI and be that lax, England wouldn’t have played that freely, but they would have dropped back and conceded like they did after France decided to start playing.

Now I found myself in agreement with Graeme Souness in his appraisal of Declan Rice, not up to much and running forward 20 yards, stopping and passing sideways isn’t world class. Three minutes in and he had no one sideways to pass to so he did his other thing of going for goal, as the defence parted for him.

15 minutes later and he finally found an England head from a corner, for Konsa to score. Apparently it makes up for him being crap for the rest of the tournament and the rest of this game. I could just hear Lee Dixon rocking in his padded cell… “He’s the world’s greatest corner taker”.

In between being his usual greedy self and going for goal, when a ball through to a better placed player was on, Rashford after having a shot and then Saka having a shot, actually played the ball to Saka in a better position for his first.

It was funny, certain England players were playing certain balls through to England players, balls they wouldn’t play if Kane was that player. None more so than Eze for Saka’s second. Harry just never gets those passes. He’ll play them but never receive them. Funny that.

Four up at half-time, playing with 10 men because no matter how much Danny Murphy was telling us Tiney was having a great game, he wasn’t.

This was embarrassing for Deschamps. Fourteen years in the job and to be the first manager of a top 10 side to lose in a competitive match to England in your final game. What a way to bow out.

He said something at the break. “Lads, it’s England”.

21 minutes later and it was 4-3. England’s usual crumble under pressure as France finally looked interested. Their first though did come via a foul on Watkins – who replaced Rashford at the break. But England’s defence was easily cut through by one ball, no midfield cover.

Si minutes later and it was the same story, one ball, one run, England bypassed. Henderson and France’s poor finishing were the only things stopping them now. Their third was a lovely bit of interplay, before Mbappe finished it off.

It looked like a complete England collapse was on the cards, but as before France’s inept finishing was helping England out. Then not long before the 90th minute something strange happened. Djed Spence made on of his runs, it was the type of run he’d made time and time again in this tournament, without once being played the ball by the wide left player, who only had eyes for cutting inside and having a shot. This time though, Rogers was that player, finally a team player and Djed got the pass. Running into the box he was taken down, it was so blatant the French player didn’t even bother arguing.

Bellingham held the ball but Saka took the pen to get his hat-trick. It doesn’t mean he was great. It doesn’t mean he would have made any difference if he’d played against the Argies in the semi.

Just time for Rice to give the ball away, then just stand there and do nothing as again one ball cut through everything before Dembele cut inside and made it 5-4. Djed, yet again left on his own.

Actually there was more time, time for a hump up the park to find Bellingham to score what isn’t the greatest goal you’ve ever seen.

It was a meaningless match. It’s not the real Tuchel’s England, the semi and the rest of the poor tournament was. Tuchel was brought in to take England to the next level, just because they finished third, their highest placing since ’66, doesn’t mean he did. England stood still under him, he failed his brief and should be sacked, but he’s happy with what he did and so are the FA, so we’re stuck with nothing changing, nothing improving.

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