the antidote to Southgate was always Southgate 2.0.
It was like deja-vu all over again as England played on the front foot to get ahead but then dropped back as Tuchel lumped on defenders just inviting the 2-1 loss to Argentina.
Easy qualification, getting the pundits overexcited, easy group stage which still say plenty of struggles, easy early knockout games against lesser teams and “it’s coming home”, then a real quality team and they capitulate after taking the lead.
Every Southgate tournament has just been mirrored by Tuchel.
He almost got his starting line up right, almost. With an actual team player in Rogers on the left rather than his favourites, Madueke or Saka. Spence was back at left back, luckily for Djed on the far side of the pitch from Tuchel, so wasn’t on the end of his abuse for the mistakes of others. But then he had Rice in, still not looking fit for purpose, neither did another of his favourites, James.
And they started on the front foot, getting into the Argies, not giving them a second on the ball. It was niggly from the off, Argies up to their usual dirty tricks. Sir Alf was right in ’66 and nothing has changed in 60 years.
England’s best movement was coming down the left, from Spence. He was running past the Argie defence with ease, getting onto the box and creating problems. Unfortunately Gordon just wasn’t on the same wavelength. Mainly because Gordon’s wavelength is cutting inside and going for personal glory. He was so bad that even his biggest fanboi, Shearer, was having a pop at him. Clueless to Spence’s runs.
Lot of huff and puff in the first half, without either keeper having much to do.
Most of England’s good stuff was coming down that left, Spence was the driving force, while Rogers saw little of the ball on the right, but when he did he showed he is a team player. This was emphasised when he laid on the opener 10 minutes into the second half.
Kane’s ping forward was for once cut out and didn’t reach its intended target, it fell to Rice who played it out to Rogers, who didn’t dither before putting in the perfect cross to Gordon at the back post. It was the only thing Gordon would do in the whole game.
And with that England were defeated.
From that moment, in the 55th minute, until Argentina scored their winner in the first minute of added time, England had 12% of the ball. Twelve. Twelve percent.
In that time England dropped deeper and deeper, while Tuchel put on defender after defender. While Argentina replaced defenders with attackers and loved all the space and ball they were being gifted by Tuchel’s team and tactics.
It was just like the semi against Croatia, the final against Italy. You knew what was happening and what the outcome would be. The more defenders the worse the defending. Well, apart from Djed who put in a hell of a challenge to stop a great chance.
but it worked against Mexico. Well, yes but there’s no Argentinian players signing for newly relegated Wolves, like Mexico’s main striker has just done.
It took them half an hour to get the equaliser. A half hour in which England were just camped out on their own box, and yet still relying on Pickford to make saves. It was a back six, not including Pickford, even before they brought Dan Burn on. 6-3-1.
It came from a corner, with England packing the six yard box with far too many players, with only two blue shirts in there. Messi played it shot and got it back before squaring it to Fernandez to bang it past Pickford from 25 yards. Bellingham tried to block the shot but there was far too many England players doing nothing.
From then even Wayne Rooney could see it, there was only one outcome. Argentina were going to get the winner, the only ones that were going to get the winner, there wasn’t even going to be extra time.
It took them six minutes to get it. A shot that came off the post went out to Messi, who had been left to Djed, his attempted tackle saw the Argie 10 catch the Englishman’s foot – another foul overlooked? Messi made hi was to the byline before putting in a right footed cross, the perfect right footed cross, for Martinez to head in the winner.
One team knew how to handle England going one up. One manager knew how to handle England going one up. It was all so predictable. Every post here during Tuchel’s reign predicted it, much like every post from Southgate’s reign.
For once I listened to what the pundits had to say after the match – normally it’s join at kick-off, fast forward through the hydration break and half time, then off seconds after the final whistle. It seemed oh so familiar, like I’d written the script myself. So obvious even the likes of Rooney – with his struggles to use words – Hart – in between being a monotone cheerleader – and Richards – in between being a screaming buffoon – could see it. They even mentioned how similar it was to Southgate.
There’s the thing Tuchel isn’t their mate the way Southgate is, so they could let rip and thankfully they did. A refreshing change.
But there’s still the happy clappy Tuchel fanbois in the media and the FA. The ones that can’t see why you would fire someone who took the wrong squad, played the wrong starting XI, made the wrong subs, played the wrong game, got away with it for a few games, put in one decent half of football.